Dear friends and family,
Well, first off, we are both still recovering. I am mostly well, but Don still has fluid in his inner ears, so he cannot hear very well. I am used to shouting at him and that habit carries over to other people and I have to apologize!
Our sons tell me to write less and do it more often and include more pictures! Yup! I agree! That would be better! Somehow my brain works differently. I need to think about things and how it all connects! Sorry! You are in for another long saga!
I had hoped I was beyond culture shock...after all I know where grocery stores are, our bankcard gives us cash and our cell phones function with our same old number after we put in new sim cards! Big improvement!
Also our home is new and improved! The new paint job...get this...for paint AND labor was $250! Road work is better but the roads will remain a constant point of frustration because of underlying cultural conditions. It seems to me that drivers are unbelievably rude!
Granted, I have not been my best, but I have been surprised that culture shock still has grabbed me by my toes and twisted! I thought I was above all this! I have experienced triggers where each new annoyance connects me with a previous bad experience! I find my "self talk" to breathe, just breathe is still needed!
I hate the loud speakers which cause noise pollution that is impossible to retreat from. The roads! Although improved, they cause daily stress, including another day when the hugest dump truck dropped mountain after mountain of dirt on Mianzini. No warning! No detour! Just an awful experience trying to get by!
Today I went shopping, as I do twice a week. I am trying to shop more often and buy less because produce does not keep well. I no longer have a giant freezer so I have to be careful. Even so, I had to stop four places to get what I needed! Going multiple places is hard because driving and parking are so difficult.
Last week after taking Wema to school, I asked her mother to buy produce for me along the road on our way home. I asked her to buy 10 carrots and a small bag of potatoes so I could make mashed potatoes for Erik, Bernice and Nashesha (EBN) to go with meatloaf. I needed comfort food! Something got lost in translation and for less than $4.00, I got a GIANT bag of potatoes, a BIG bag of carrots and a big bag of tomatoes! I ended up blanching six quarts of tomatoes, cooking them with onions, garlic and basil for three hours and putting three quarts of spaghetti sauce in the freezer. I also made a big pot of carrot curry soup that we will have tonight! Anything I freeze cannot stay there long! Too small!
Tomorrow I am having medical students and others for dinner. It is good to feel productive again! Don went to work this week and feels he can make a contribution even though he is hard of hearing!
Back to culture shock... some is major, most is minor. It is the small things that are confusing. First, there is what IS!... What actually happens, actions and behavior. Next there is, what does it mean??? That is much harder!
Let me give some examples. I only got to see Wema three afternoons while she was home on break due to illness. The most important thing we accomplished was to exchange dollars (from generous donors) into shillings and decide how to dole out the money in a helpful, non-dependency creating way! I did not realize how stressed I was about how to do this. But, I asked Wema and Orjantan to help me. We talked about it and created baggies of money like I did for our son's allowance and my sense of relief was huge.
Anyway, a week ago we drove Wema, her mother and her oldest brother, Orjantan, to drop Wema at school. When we got to Maasai Girls School, the guards would not let us into the campus. We had to get permission from the headmaster. I recognized him from the time I brought Wema to see if it would be possible for her to be admitted. I shook his hand and introduced Don and told him how happy we are that Wema was admitted. He looked at her, shook his finger at her...looked her in the eye...and said, "if she wants to stay here, she must try harder!" Big pause! I said, " Do you know she is #11 out of 76?" He bellowed, "Why is she not #1?" Then Wema bowed to him and they connected pinky fingers. All so strange...I wonder, what does it mean!??? Orjantan explained that the principle was trying to encourage her and motivate her!
I am happy to reconnect with Wema's family! She has two older brothers, Orjantan and Ombeni, and one younger brother, Herison. My sisters sent out used laptops and a tablet for the brothers. Orjantan is quite savvy with computers and has been able to get them functional! These gifts of computers are totally life changing! We did not know how much! These old computers almost did not make it into our luggage due to weight restrictions, and then our luggage was lost. . Don put one old laptop into his backpack...they are heavy! Thankfully, they all arrived!
Anyway, we now have Wema's brothers (all three with tablets or laptops) coming to our house to "visit". Really, they need our WiFi! It is hard to know how to say to Tanzanians, "you must go now!" They hang out and do not move! Wema was easier. Somehow she knew how to help with dinner or make herself useful. Her brothers are harder. I had to tell them yesterday it was time for them to go! (More cultural insecurity.) I need to have a hard conversation with them about not overstaying their welcome. (Sigh!). I want them to feel welcome and I want to look forward to their visits. I do not want to go through an awkward hour where I wish they would leave! How do I say this???
Yesterday on my walk around the neighborhood, I passed a big group of boys. They started shouting "mzungu!" (White person). Then they took turns running up and touching my arm. Just another example of strangeness or at least feeling like an outsider!
This is a four day weekend in TZ...except it is some sort of secret. It is the end of Ramadan and someone important has to look at the moon and declare it a holiday! So we can't actually PLAN on time off! More culture to learn!
I think it would be fun to see Victoria Falls, but it is a 15 hour drive (never!) and Don cant fly! So, Erik has arranged for us to return to the luxury camp near Lake Manyara where we stayed a year ago when I was having trouble with culture shock. I am confident I know the way there, so I think we will arrive early and meet them later. This place is delightfully tranquil and is teeming with resident monkeys that are very entertaining. I may consider this resort my own special recovery place! I am not proud that I have so much trouble adjusting!
❤️Debi
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| Debi just loves cute baskets. The basket lady who comes to our house always manages to dream up a new design that we just need to have. This one is perfect for our oval baking pans. |
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